Parents are not supposed to lie, but these sweet little white lies have been told for generations.
“The ice cream truck only plays music when it’s out of ice cream”
It’s one of the most brilliant parenting hacks of all time. Rather than tell their toddlers they can’t have ice cream every day, some parents have resorted to tricking young kids into believing the jolly tune means the truck is out of ice cream. It’s genius, until another child informs yours that it’s not true.
“If you swallow gum, it stays in your stomach for seven years”
For generations, children have heard that if they swallow chewing gum, it will stay in their body for seven years. It won’t. While chewing gum base can’t be digested by the body, swallowed gum will normally pass through the digestive tract instead of putting down roots.
“The car won’t start until everyone has their seat belt on”
Your car might tell you that your seat belt isn’t buckled, but it won’t usually refuse to start until you’ve buckled your passenger. It’s still, however, a wonderfully effective bit of parental deception. Once it gets a toddler to click that seat belt without fussing, you might hesitate to bust that illusion.
“Eating carrots will help you see in the dark”
Carrots contain beta-carotene, which the body can process into vitamin A. Vitamin A contributes to healthy vision, but munching excess quantities of carrots won’t help you see in the dark if you already have enough vitamin A. That hasn’t stopped countless parents from spinning that fib, though.
“The toy store is closed today”
Sometimes the toy store is really closed. Other times a parent just doesn’t have the energy, time or money to venture back down the toy aisle. Kids have no idea about the shop’s opening and closing times, so it’s one of the easiest lies parents can tell, that is until their child can read the OPEN sign.
“Your drawing is going straight on the fridge”
Strictly speaking, it could go on the fridge. How long it stays there is a different question altogether. Parents can hoard hundreds of drawings, paintings, worksheets and crafts. Permanent display simply isn’t possible. Stealthily recycling a few masterpieces after a suitable period of adoration is practically a life skill for parents.
“That toy needs new batteries”
Sometimes, it isn’t the batteries that are the issue. The annoyingly loud toy works just fine. But parents just can’t stand to hear the same song over and over again for the 200th time. So they take out the batteries and tell them it doesn’t work. Parents can get a couple hours of quiet until someone else figures out where the batteries go.
“The park is going to close soon”
There’s always one more slide, swing and run across the climbing frame. When “it’s time to go” fails, telling them the park’s about to close makes leaving suddenly inevitable. However, this gets trickier at an open public playground with no gates or closing staff.
“I have eyes in the back of my head”
Parents can seem magically clairvoyant to young children. Parents actually train themselves to spot suspicious quietude, known noises, reflections and predictable movements. But for a few enchanted years, magical eyes in the back of your head is infinitely cooler.
“The dog went to live on a farm”
Parents have at times given this explanation when a pet disappears or can no longer be kept by the family. The intention is often to spare a very young child. Age-appropriate honesty is preferable, though when a pet has died, as children eventually require reliable methods to make sense of loss.
“If you make that face, it might stay that way”
Kids have heard this for years. Cross your eyes too much and they’ll get stuck that way. Pull your tongue out or make some other stupid face and you’ll freeze your face like that. The good news is that normal silly faces can’t actually do that, but they’ve definitely scared enough children into stopping.
“I’ll think about it”
Every parent secretly knows that “I’ll think about it” can mean many things. Sometimes they really do need to consider it. Other times they know the answer is no but don’t want to deal with that discussion yet. It’s diplomatic parentspeak.
“The TV needs to rest”
Hours spent watching cartoons will suddenly leave the television oddly fatigued. Thankfully for parents, the solution is as easy as turning it off and doing something else. Toddlers will often understand that screens need naps too, making this an easy trick to cut screen time before it becomes a battle of wills.
“There are no vegetables in this”
A picky eater who turns their nose up at zucchini may relish it when it’s hidden in their favorite sauce. Some parents learn they don’t need to disclose every ingredient when fielding mistrusting inquiries about dinner. Ideally, kids will one day learn what’s in their food, instead of believing vegetables are something that always need to be disguised.
“Once candy goes bad, it just disappears”
The case of the missing Halloween/holiday candy has confounded children for generations. Yesterday’s bag appeared to have more chocolate. And yet somehow no one in the household can account for what happened. Yet strangely enough, one parent suddenly appears oddly disinterested in dessert.
